It's Been A Year

By Farah - Friday, May 29, 2020

I can't believe that it's been a year (and four days) ever since I left Canada for good. Time sure flies fast when it comes to anything Canada but not so much when living the reality eh? 😢

Alhamdulillah, I didn't have a hard time to readapt with Malaysia this time around, unlike the first time. I still struggle figuring out my life but it's manageable. However, I do wonder, sometimes, what would happen if I were to make a different decision. You know, those what if questions. I can't help to wonder about it especially after seeing updates from my friends in Canada.




Honestly, coming back to Malaysia for good last year was a tough decision for me to make. Ever since my second year in university, all I wanted was to work and live in Canada (and come home someday). I was so close to my dream but decided to make a U-turn because my parents (my mum especially) kept insisting me to come home.

Farah H at Whistlers Mountain, Jasper National Park, Alberta, Canada
Jasper was the place that ignited the Canadian dream in me.

So, home, I am.

People do not know how this decision of mine affected me. Loosely speaking, I was sad and it hurt me so bad as I had to see one of my dreams being crushed in front of my eyes. From where I stand, it was the biggest sacrifice that I have ever made in my life for my parents. I'm a selfish person so I'm not used to making sacrifice. Which is why, I earnestly hope that this decision of mine will be rewarded somehow, someday.




Having said that, I've made peace with my decision. Life still needs to go on so I'm gonna soldier on and enjoy what's left of my life by trying to be the best version of myself, every day.

Alas, so long, Canada! You're dearly missed 💓

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12 comments

  1. I always envy those who got the chance to study abroad. I think I'll be the same if I got the chance, I might not want to come back home in Malaysia that soon after graduating. But I wish you'll get a new dream in Malaysia that would make it worth leaving your Canada dream. Anyway, Selamat Hari Raya!

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    1. I think at the end of the day, it's up to each individual's experience, goals and dreams when it comes to deciding whether they want to come back or not; or when they will come back if they decided to do so :)

      Hopefully, I'll get to find or make a new dream now that I'm already here, insya Allah. Thank you and selamat hari raya too, Lya :)

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  2. You will get used to it, insyAllah. It was hard for me as well, but I think my hectic schedule help me a lot to make peace with my decision. :) What I can suggest is, to always look at our parents' faces and realise they are getting older (if they are the main reason you came back for good). :)

    InsyAllah Canada takkan ke mana. After this Covid settle down, we will have chance to revisit, kayyy.

    hanisamanina.com

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    1. I've already made peace with my decision, insya Allah. Every time I feel like I'm starting to regret my decision, what you said is exactly what I do; looking at my parents' faces, imagining how much time that I have left with them and how much time I've spent being far away for them :)

      On another note, yes, Canada takkan ke mana but I don't think my financial situation will allow me to revisit Canada :(

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  3. may ALLAH ease everything for you. selamat hari raya aidilfitri and maaf zahir batin ya :D
    kalau ada peluang boleh la buat trip ke canada lagi kan, inshaALLAH semua benda ada hikmahnya :)

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    1. Thank you, BV. Selamat hari raya juga :)

      Insya Allah, when the times come, I hope I can revisit Canada.

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  4. dear.. insyallah trust in ur decision n percaya thats what Allah tentukan terbaik utk u atm. everyone is suffering with the 'why' and 'what if' questions. insyallh things will be fine. suruh ur mom doakan banyak2 k..

    but if u ada plan nak visit Canada.. bgtau awal2 please..
    nak ekot. bg masa akak menabong..

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    1. Yes, that's what I have been asking my parents to do, especially my mum. To pray that I'll be totally redha with the decision that I made and I'll be blessed in this life for the so-called sacrifice that I made.

      Insya Allah, kak Siti. Will let you know. Entah-entah kak Siti sampai sana dulu dari saya sebab kak Siti selalu juga pergi mengejut ni. Hehe.

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  5. I'm glad that you're made peace with your decisions. It sure is wasn't an easy decision but there's something good coming your way. In shaa Allah. اَمِين يَا رَبَّ الْعَالَمِيْن

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    1. Insya Allah, I would love to believe that Allah has store something better for me as well :)

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  6. I remember I followed every single post of of yours because I was envy of your life in Canada but hearing that you were leaving the country for good, I was devastated too because I know deep down, I'd feel the same way that you do.

    Speaking of sacrifices, you're not alone. I was supposed to continue my study but I didn't sebab tolong my mom, sampai lah sekarang tak study mana2. My dream to be a neurologist hancur macam tu je. Bila ada school reunion, rasa kecik sangat bila classmates perli2 and keep asking, "apa nak jadi dgn kau ni?" Some people just don't get it. Even if you explain it to them.

    Anyway, I hope your time here will be worth it because I believe dreams can be created anywhere if you put your hearts into it. I hope it's not too late for me too.

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    1. Insya Allah, hopefully it will not be too late for us. Also, may our sacrifices will be rewarded, someway, somehow. Insya Allah :)

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