The Book That Broke Me: When Worries Turn to Hope

Some books find you in the stillness.

Some books find you in the middle of surviving.

But this book, When Worries Turn to Hope, found me when I didn’t know I still needed to be seen. 

And when it did, it broke me gently.

Like water against stone, not with force but with quiet insistence.

I cried reading it. 

I had to close the book more than once,

just to sit with everything it awakened in me.

Because this wasn’t just Ezzah’s story.

It was mine.

In so many quiet, painful, beautiful ways, 

it was mine too.

Leaving Behind a Life I Loved 

A fragment of life that I lived in the mountains.

Like Ezzah, I once left behind a life I was just beginning to love. I had made a home in another country, planted roots, and watched myself grow.

Then, softly, my mother asked me to come home. Not in desperation. Not because she was sick. She asked me when she was still well, still strong, still radiant.

And I, unsure, unready, afraid, said yes.

I didn’t come home because I understood. I came home because I couldn’t bear to say no. Because love is rarely logical. Sometimes you return not because you want to, but because you know you will regret it if you don’t.

And I did make peace with that. A quiet kind of peace.

Watching Time Fold Around Their Pain

Five years later, my mother’s strength began to fade. Her health changed. Dialysis became part of our lives.

And not long after, my father, the anchor of our home, began fighting cancer again. 

In those long hours in hospitals, between waiting rooms and quiet drives, I slowly began to see what I could not understand before.

“Each hand held, each hospital visit, and each second spent is an opportunity, a gift to appreciate, reflect, and be embraced upon.” 

Every small act of care became a reminder that even the quietest moments have meaning.

I had questioned Him before, wondering why I had to let go of that other life and why my plans were interrupted.

But now I look at my mother and my father, the quiet strength in their eyes, the way time folds around their pain, and I understand.

And I am grateful. Not because it is easy. But because now I know Allah knew what I didn’t. He saw what I couldn’t. He placed me exactly where I was needed long before I knew I would be needed at all.

The Question That Broke Me

Still, what broke me, what truly broke me, was a simple line in the book, a question:

“How are you? How is Ezzah Mahmud? Seriously, are you okay?” 

 

I stared at that line for a long time because no one ever asked me that until it was too late.

Not when I came home. 
Not when I gave up everything. 
Not when I quietly mourned what I lost. 
Not when I started again, silently, without complaint. 
Not once, until they saw me fall apart and stumble.

There is something about being the independent one. The dutiful one. The anak perempuan yang balik sebab mak ayah suruh.

You get thanked. Admired, even. But no one asks if you are okay.

And when Ezzah was asked, I broke. Not out of envy, but because I didn’t realize how much I needed someone to ask me that too, before I fell apart.

“I was self loathing and emotionally dejected over what could have been if I had taken a different route. I felt helpless and defeated.” 

Learning to Trust Al-Wakeel

Ezzah’s trust felt effortless.

Mine was slower, stubborn, uneven.

But I am learning.

Learning that even shaky trust is still trust.

That even the small act of saying, I don’t know why, but I know You do, is enough. 

And what a mercy that is,

to know that we are not measured by how fast we let go,

but that we let go at all.

“Through all my actions, I am reminded that He knows exactly what I am going through, all I need is faith. Strong faith and trust. After all, I am His creation, and He knows what lies in my heart.” 

This book didn’t offer solutions. It didn’t promise that everything would be okay.

Instead, it gave me something far more valuable: recognition, companionship, and a gentle reminder of Al-Wakeel.

“All that we need to do is turn back to Him, ask Allah SWT to never leave us alone, and trust that every effort that we make for His sake is counted.” 

Even when I felt lost, I realized He was present in every quiet act of love and care.

“At all times, whether in ease or hardship, it is only in the remembrance of Allah SWT that we can truly find peace. Allah SWT, Al-Wakeel and Al-Haseeb does not let a single second pass without us being under His care. And by filling our hearts with Him – and only Him – gives us the strength that we need to carry on.” 

For the Quietly Strong

This book is not just for the caregivers. Not just for the daughters.

It is for the ones who feel everything too deeply, 
who love quietly, 
who traded their own plans for His, 

and are slowly learning that surrender, too, is love.

It is for those who trusted before they understood and are now beginning to see the beauty in that trust.

It is a balm. A mirror. A soft place to weep. 

“He keeps account of everything in this world and notices even the smallest of deeds. He is our Lord, and the Lord of this world. He knows every single thing, minute or titanic, all of it never slipped past him.” 

 

I wept for the girl I used to be, and for how far He has brought her.

If you have ever left a version of yourself behind for someone you love,
if you have ever wondered if He sees you even when no one else does,

if you have made peace yet still ache a little inside,

read this book.

Let it open what you have closed. Let it remind you that Al-Wakeel sees everything.

Even what you don’t say. 
Even the tears you don’t shed. 
Even the love you give that no one sees.

This wasn’t just her story.

It was mine too.

And maybe it is yours.

*******

If my personal reflection resonated with you, I truly believe When Worries Turn to Hope by Ezzah Mahmud can do the same for you. It’s more than just a book. It’s a companion for the quietly strong, for anyone learning to trust, surrender, and find peace in the midst of life’s storms.

Grab your copy here. 
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